Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
