Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
