They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
