dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
