You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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