You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
