so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The adults are the big ones right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
