her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
