Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
