How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
