Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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