We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
