I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
