well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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