I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
