did you get engaged???
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
