Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
