didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
