trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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