I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
