remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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