so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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