i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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