....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
