i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
