i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
