my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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