somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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