there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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