why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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