SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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