i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
