Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
