Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
