two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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