I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
