capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I checked into jail on foursquare
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
