wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
