there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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