Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
