I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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