As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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