capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
