you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
