it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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