I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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