i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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