I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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