We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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