i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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