My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
