highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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